"My Mother Told Me To Be A Lady. And For Her, That Meant Be Your Own Person, Be Independent" - Ruth Bader Giinsburg

What I've Learned or Have Come To Realize

2020 So Far

I have finally at the age of 39, come to realize that I don't need someone else to make me happy. That my happiness is not in someone else's hands. That happiness comes from within. You can't love someone else if you don't first love yourself. I've grown up a lot this year and my eyes have finally been open. You can't trust people; people lie and nothing lasts forever. Jobs come and go; family is very important, racists eventually show their racism and so do homophobes and sexists. 

Do what makes you happy and what you have a passion for. The sad truth is; people will give up on you, so you have to make sure you don't give up on yourself. Keep the users and the abusers at bay, don't fully let your guard down. You honestly really do not know a person, you only know what they show you. People keep secrets, they lie. Honesty is expensive, don't expect it from cheap people. You can love with your whole heart, your entire being and it still won't be good enough.

I was asked what kind of advice I would give my younger self and what advice I would give to my future self and here are my answers.

Younger Self:
Do not let anyone fuck up your credit, that shit takes forever to fix. Work on yourself and your goals, and think about what your dreams are and what you envision for your life. Going to college won't always give you a better job, but it will give you a lifetime of debt. Learn a trade, or join the Army after high school. Do not let others who are destroying their own lives take you down a deconstructive path. Avoid associating with people who drink too much and those who do drugs. Stay strong and do not let yourself self-destruct. You will see horrible things happen, the world will seem like it's in complete chaos but you have to stay strong.

Future Self:
Do not let your guard down, don't get emotionally attached. Focus on yourself; focus on your goals, focus on continually becoming a better person. Love yourself, don't be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes and learn from them, we all fail and learn what not to do next time. Do NOT give up on Avon or let anyone stop you from reaching your goals with Avon. Work 10X as hard as everyone else. Keep working on fixing your credit and buy yourself a damn house in the woods with acres and no neighbors because you fucking deserve it.